Goodbye summer, hello junior year

 I go back to school on Tuesday August 6th, bright and early at 7 a.m.  My summer is reaching its bittersweet ending.  Why is it bittersweet you ask?  Read below.

 

Why I don’t want to go back to school:  Two months goes by too fast. It rained almost everyday in July.  Most of my summer consisted of my mom being in the hospital with one problem after another, she’s out now and doing  much better.  I only went on one vacation and it rained the whole time.  I never got a good tan,  My work hours are going to get cut back, which means less money.  I wont be seeing my boyfriend as much because I have a car now and wont be riding with him anymore, and we probably wont have lunch together again, and he gets out early because he’s a senior.  All of my friends are seniors this year and I’m junior.  Harder classes, so that means more homework and more stress.  And waking up at 5:30 everyday sucks

 

Why I’m okay with summer ending:  I’m ready to see what my junior year has in store for me.  No more state tests after this year.  I’ll be in a class called Allied Health this year and next year, which is a two year medical program and i’m excited for that.  I’ll also be in the club that’s part of the program.  I’ll be in the community service club that i’ve been in since freshman year.  I might possibly be in a few academic clubs for good grades and what not.  I’m excited for homecoming and prom.  And one year closer to graduating.  

Cheers to junior year!

Why?

Why can’t I be good enough for anyone?  I try so hard in every aspect of my life and i just feel like its never good enough.  I can’t score as high as my cousin Matthew did on the ACT.  I’m not as pretty as my cousin Ashleigh and all of my clothes would look better on her.  I don’t have as many friends as cheerleaders do because girls can’t stand to see their friends happy with a boyfriend if they can’t be. I don’t dress like a movie star everyday.  I don’t spend hours and hours getting ready.  I don’t put a ton of make up on, I don’t even wear make up.  I’m nothing like my boyfriends ex, She’s tan, and pretty, and skinny, she has long pretty hair, and straight teeth, better grades than i do, a bunch of friends, and she’s a cheerleader.  and i hate her.  But i do wish i could be like her a little.  Why can’t i be a perfect girlfriend.  Why can’t our relationship be perfect again.  Why do i feel like i dont get the same things back that i give.  Why don’t i feel good enough.
Why can’t i feel confident anymore?  Because I spend all my time trying.  And when you spend all your time trying to be good enough,  Your self standards sky-rocket,  and you know you’ll never reach the place you wish you could be.. and you wonder, why can’t I do anything good enough anymore?

Counting down the days

Hey guys! I have a lot of stuff to be excited for right now, so i’m at the point of counting down the days until all of these upcoming events.

#1.  9 more days left of school, and I’ll officially be halfway done with high school.  And I’m excited to be a junior next year, but said because ALL of my friends are going to be seniors including my boyfriend.. I’m going to be ALL ALONE my senior year.  They ask me all the time what I’m going to do my senior year when they’re gone and I just say “I’m going to sit in the corner by myself and cry” Lol. I may not literally do that, but it’ll be lonely without them there. 

#2.   14 more days until my boyfriend and I’s TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!!! I’m more excited about this than school getting out for summer.  Same thing happened last year when it was our one year.  But who wouldn’t be excited about that?  I think it’s kinda impressive.  I’m sixteen and Brady’s seventeen and we’ve been together longer than some couples stay married.  That’s something to be proud of right there.  I honestly couldn’t be happier.  Angels sang the first time I saw him. Not literally,  but I knew from the moment I saw him that I wanted to be with him one day.  And now, about three and half years since the first I was him, we’re about to be celebrating two years of memories, happiness, and love together.  

#3.  27 more days, and I will be on my way to Orange Beach with Brady and his family.  Four days in a beach condo/resort with my boo.  I’m SO excited.  I went and got a travel bag from Victoria’s secret yesterday, I already have my swimsuits.  I just need to shop around for cute stuff to wear around and wear to sleep! I’m so use to sleeping in nike shorts and t shirts, I need to find some cute stuff to wear to bed.  If anyone has suggestions of places that have cute pajamas PLEASE let me know!

#4 Three more days until my job interview! wish me luck! 

Passionate

It’s such a great feeling when you feel like everything in your life is going exactly how you want it.  Like you’re on cloud 9 and you just have this permanent smile on your face and it just makes you feel like nothing could possibly shoot that happiness down because its just such a great feeling.  Well, for about week, that’s how I’ve felt. Until now… I’ve officially had my happy crash.  I’ve been with Brady for almost two years now.  And yes we’ve had problems and fights in the past, but we’ve always come out fighting and gotten a stronger relationship in the long run.  We’re really close because how similar we are, and our differences have done nothing but bring us closer.  

But, It has been almost two years and I’m starting to feel really insecure about our relationship.  One day it feels like we’re on top of the world and like we’re the two happiest people in the world and nothing can bring us down.  Like we have that perfect youg relationship that everyone wishes for..   But sometimes I feel like he’s starting to get tired of me.  Sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough anymore because I know he deserves something better.  I’ve made mistakes that I’ll never be able to take back and I hold them against myself so bad that I pretty much depress myself over it.  But I made those mistakes a long time ago and since then, I’ve done nothing but try to fix everything and make it seem perfect like it did before. I put him and feelings before everything,  so I consider his happiness before I even begin to think about my own.  I try to do as much as I can for him. I just feel like I always end up doing something wrong and messing it up somehow… Maybe I try too hard?    But I just want to be with him for a long time,  I’m a high school sophomore and he’s a junior and we’ve made it two years already.  Two years that I wouldn’t give up for anything.  Two years that i’ve fought my heart out for.  I can’t even imagine having to start over from day one.  I want the relationship i’m in now to last more than anything in the world.  I would give up every dream i’ve ever had to have this forever.  One day, I would love to be able say that I ended up getting married to my high school sweetheart and then look at him.  I know anyone would look at this and say that i’m just sixteen and I don’t really know what I want yet and I hate that.  I absolutely hate that people think just because someone is young, they don’t know what they I want.  But I do. He’s my happiness, my heart, my love, my soul mate, my everything.  I can’t be without that.  The first time I saw him, I knew I wanted to be with him one day, and then a little over a year later we were.  I just hate the fact that I’ll never be able to completely express how much I love and care about him, or how strongly I feel about our relationship and how much I want it to last forever.  I don’t just care alot, I’m passionate about it.   When I try to, my thoughts just jumble up and I lose my place in them.  I know what i’m trying to say/express,  my mind just can’t keep it all in order for me to do that.  One day it’ll come out thought. A volcano of words will erupt from me one day, and it just might fully express the strength of my feelings and passion for us, our love and our relationship.  

Tired (of school)

Hey guys! I know I haven’t posted in a while and it seems like I’ve nearly neglected my blog; but I promise I haven’t! I always get on here to edit my page trying to make it look all cool and what not; I just never post because I can’t think of much to say. I was trying to refrain from talking about my boyfriend in posts, but why not? I mean, we’ve been together for almost two years now, so he’s part of my everyday life. I just don’t want to get on anyone’s nerves with it.  But whatevs haha

I’ll just write an incredibly boring post about how exhausted I am from school, enjoy! 

If y’all don’t know it already, I’ll tell you now that I’m a sophomore. And most schools around  me have a block schedule, where you only have four classes all day and you stay in each one for about an hour an a half.  My school is the ONLY one in the area that still has seven classes a day, and trust me, it gets pretty stressful.  Half of the stress isn’t even from the work though, its from being sleep deprived. (My school also goes in the earliest) At my school, we have to be there by 7:10 so I have to wake up at 5:30 to be able to have time get a shower and everything. We get out of school at 2:15 everyday, which is pretty early compared to other high schools around me. It’s still exhausting though. 
We get out for Summer exactly one month from today and this is the time of year when everyone starts to say that they have “senioritis” which basically means that we’re all sick and tired of school and ready for it to end. It’s also the time of year when Nike shorts and t shirts become the daily look of every girl in the school, myself included. There’s just no more motivation or enthusiasm. We started school on August 6th, so yeah, I’m about ready to get out of there for summer.  

Bottom line: I’m exhausted, and tired of school, but somehow still maintaining all A’s and a good GPA. So yay for that.

 

 

Daily Prompt: Share the Love

I look at the Daily Prompts every time I get on here, but this is the first time I’ve ever actually used it. When I read it today though, I thought to myself “I really need to do this one, because the blogger that inspired me to begin mine should know that they did that”

So, this is the blog that inspired me to start my own blog on here: http://xjustanotherteenblogger.wordpress.com/

I got this computer for Christmas and I was bored one night so I started searching through stuff on Google. I clicked on a link that directed me to her blog and I started reading it and BOOM. There was my inspiration to begin blogging. I thought to myself “This is pretty cool, I really want to do this”. So, that night, I set up an account on here and began my blog. I stayed up all night editing my page and testing various themes and what not. Her blog was the first one I followed and the reason I started mine. And what’s awesome about that is, she lives half way around the world from me. Crazy how someone that far away from you can inspire you and spark your interest in something that you haven’t considered. I’m glad I found her blog and I enjoy reading it.

Thank you for inspiring me! 🙂

So, I Love Reading Again

I’ve recently rediscovered my love for reading! I read all the time when I was little, but I kinda quit for a couple of years and I’m not so sure why I ever stopped.  My grandmother got me The Lucky One by Nicholas Sparks (I never saw the movie) and it was AMAZING. If you’re in to the love story type books, I would recommend it! I’ve also read The Last Song, by the same author and thought it was a great book  too. If any of you fellow bloggers have book suggestions for me, feel free to leave comments with the names of books and the authors. Thanks! 

Relationship Issues… Words of a confused girlfriend.

Have any of you ever been in a relationship and felt like there was a third person?   Well, for those of you that haven’t, I will tell you from experience, IT SUCKS!  My boyfriend Brady and I have been together for almost two years now and this other girl is ALWAYS around.. I don’t want to put any real names so we’ll just call her Lori.

This all started a long time ago, but I’ll tell you how it started.. His mom and her mom have been best friends for a really long time, so that’s how Brady and Lori met. They’ve known each other since they were babies and they grew up together. I met her when Brady and I first started dating. I was at his house with him and one of his friends and then she came over later in the day. It was kinda awkward lol. I was fine with everything at first.. But then she started to be around a lot, and I didn’t really like it. One night I went to the movies with him and she ended up going with us. When the movie was over his mom picked us up and she asked if she go home with them.. I didn’t really know what to think about it. He talked to me about it later that night, he told me I had nothing to worry about because their mom’s are good friends and she stays over there all the time. I understood that nothing would ever happen between them but still, it was the fact that MY boyfriend had another girl spending the night at his house.

Anyways, now its almost two years later and she’s still always around. Brady drives so he picks us up and brings us home from school. At the beginning of the year she rode with us in the morning and the afternoon, but that’s not what bothers me. Sometimes in the afternoons she would ask if she could go to his house after school instead of going home, and sometimes her mom would tell her to go over there until she got home. But that pisses me off that she would sit there and ask him if she could come home with him all the time.. In September Brady got a speeding ticket and couldn’t drive for about two weeks to he had to ride the bus to and from school that week. Well Lori’s mom took her to school in the morning, but instead of riding her own bus in the afternoon, she got on Brady’s bus and went home with him during that time. And she would be at this house until 7 or 8 all the time. In October, their mom’s got into an argument and Lori couldn’t ride with us anymore. I wasn’t really upset about it… I mean, another girl was spending more time with my boyfriend than I was. We didn’t see her or hang out with her or anything from October until now. It was nice not having to share my boyfriend. haha

Well Its January now.. And yes she’s back. She came back into the picture last weekend. Brady’s birthday was last weekend on the 21st. On that Saturday, I spent the WHOLE day cooking a Birthday dinner for him and a Homemade pecan pie  and he was going to come over that night and eat dinner and hang out. Well he called me when he was about to leave his house to come over and when I  answered he said “Hey, I’m about to leave, but Lori is here” I just said  oh okay but my voice was shaking, I wanted to cry…  He said that he didn’t know she was going to be there, her mom just dropped her off. I said okay then I’ll just see you when you get here and hung up. I guess he kinda got the message from that. He called back and said he wasn’t bringing her. Everything went okay that night, but I was still pissed of and really upset. I spent all day doing that for him for his birthday, that was our day. And he calls and asks if he bring her…. That was so dumb, I’m still pissed off about it.

The next day was his Birthday lunch at a sports bar/grill with family and friends. Of course, Lori was there when I got there.. I sat down with her because she was at the table by herself eating. I asked her why her mom wasn’t there and she said her mom was out of town. I asked her where she was staying…. at Brady’s. Her mom was out of town for the weekend so Lori was spending the night at Brady’s house all weekend. wooohoo……
The next day, Me, Brady and Lori all went bowling. On the way there, his mom called and I heard him say ” It’s just me and Lori” Ummm Hello?! Your girlfriend is sitting right next you!!! When he got off the phone I asked ” Do you not want her know I’m here or something, you said it was just you and Lori?” and he said that she knew I was there and he was just saying who else was there.. I didn’t know whether to believe that or not. But whatever.. I still felt like a third wheel the WHOLE time… yeah, it should be the other way around right?

It also bothers me that he doesn’t pay much attention to me when she’s around. He may not realize it, but I don’t know. I mean, I’m not asking for all of his attention all the time but he could at least give me equal attentions as he does with Lori. I feel like 90% of the attention goes to her when she’s around. And he takes hours at a time to text back when she’s there. I fell COMPLETELY ignored. Great right?…. NO

I wish I could say that they don’t realize it, but I can’t. I’m not sure if he realizes it, But I know she does. Brady tells me that he just tries to get her of the house sometimes because “she has it rough” He said her dad died when she was little, her mom isn’t really nice, she doesn’t have many friends and she just draws all day…  First of all, she has ALOT of friends, whenever I see her around school she has a posy of friends with her, so the “no friends” thing is complete BS. Second, I know her dad passed away when she was young and I know how that feels, But that doesn’t obligate MY boyfriend to fill in for her dad. And it doesn’t mean that she has to be in our relationship all the time. I’m 100% sure that I’ve had it a lot tougher than she has and I’m just fine, I’m a big girl and can take care of myself and handle my own problems. It’s like he has to babysit her all the time. It’s stupid

Lori feeds into all of the attention she gets from him too. Acts like she’s his little puppy or something. She has TONS of friends but she chooses to hang around Brady ALL THE TIME. She asks if she can go to his house with him and she’s asked if she could spend the night there a few times. She tries to be right next to him, when we’re walking or sitting down. And I can see that she tries to be great and not do anything negative around him, like trying not to cause any kind of trouble for him whatsoever. And she wants his attention.. Its always Brady Brady Brady from her. Its annoying. And when we get of the car she’s out before everyone else is and she opens his door for him.. That’s just so damn weird, I don’t even know what to say about it.

I just hate this, and I have NO idea what to do about it. I know there’s nothing between them but still. Its the fact that another girl is ALWAYS around and it feels like there’s a third person in the  relationship. My boyfriend pays more attention to another girl when she’s around and she likes it, she feeds into it. Another girl always being around your boyfriend isn’t fun. I feel like the third wheel sometimes. If I say something to her, she’ll run back to Brady whining about it and she’ll tell him everything I say. And if I say something to him, I’m scared that he’ll defend her over me and just get mad.. I should NOT be in this situation.. I think its kinda fucked up that I am. I just don’t know what to do…

Tagged , , , ,

Hey guys! I know I haven’t posted anything in a while. Sorry! I’m just busy with school so that’s why I’m kinda idle Monday through Friday. I’m going to try to start getting on here and posting more often though.

Anyways, I’m super excited for this weekend! My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and eight months now and his birthday is this weekend! I’m going to make him dinner tonight and try to make his favorite pie. This is my first attempt at making homemade pecan pie so wish me luck! haha. 

I love the movie Freedom Writers.  All of the students have a different story and come from a different place. And of all people, they open up to their English teacher in the journals/diaries she gives to them.  Everybody has a different story, and just like they did, most of us hide it.  We try to find somebody that we can trust and call a friend that we can open up to. But that’s not easy to do in high school when you’re surrounded by people that will say they’re friend one day then they’re stabbing you in the back the next day. I love how the students in this movie put aside all differences and come together.  I wish that could happen in all schools. I think about when I walk down the halls in between classes at school. I look at people and wonder what story they’re hiding under the smile. All of those popular kids look like they have it all, everybody like them, they have tons of friends and look so happy, but they’re probably suffering just as much as everybody else around them.  We make fun of people and we have no idea what they’re going through or how much they suffer.  Everybody I walk past, I wonder what their story is, what’s going through their mind,  and what they’re going through at the moment.  I wonder if people ever wonder the same things about me when they pass me by in the hallway.  We’re teenagers, we all go through rough times and we judge each other like crazy and I wish that would change. But the truth is, we’re surrounded by people that could be going through the same thing that we are.  Some people go through worse then we do.  I just wish we could all open up to each other like the students did in Freedom Writers.  I don’t really have a girl best friend anymore, we drifted apart when I realized that she didn’t want to see me be happy. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and seven months and I love him with every ounce of me, he’s more than just my boyfriend, he’s my best friend. He knows my story, and I can tell him anything. He doesn’t judge me, he loves me for who I really am. I wish everybody could be like that. 

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